As my life turns...

I’ve been trying to put the whole reconstruction surgery into words for weeks and it was not happening.  Bits and pieces (such as the awful private nurse I had, um Mom what the hell is going on with my belly button and the cut is how long???!!!) are easy.  Yet there are other parts (recovery) which are giving me pause.  But I think this tells the story.   I would like to point out Dr K2 informed me at the last appointment it could be 9 months until normalcy (as if that word will ever be a part of my vocabulary again).  Lovely.  So I bit that bullet and here you go. 

A short recap of said surgery:

·        Hospital from Tuesday until Saturday.  I think I was supposed to stay until Sunday, but after the whole IV coming out in the bathroom at 1230 am and it looking as if I had committed a murder (I have never, ever seen blood so red, not to mention so much in one place) and 5 tries within 5 hours to get another IV in- I was done.  I think it was the crying which sprung me. I was tired of being a test dummy.   **Note: they were wonderful and they took time in between trying.  It just was not part of the plan. And I blame the morphine for the tears (which was so worth the tears).  

·        Speaking of the IV—that pull cord that is in the bathroom—really works.  I pulled it 5 times and I had 4 people in my room in seconds.  Luckily I had great nurses (as always) and the comments where right up my alley.  I kept apologizing and I guess I said it too many times as my nurse told me if I said it one more time she was holding out on the morphine.  Not one peep for hours out of me.

·        Morphine—they give you that little drip thing with the control and you think you have it made.  As if.  I had enough time to actually comprehend it is a very small drip and it did not drip every time you punched it.  Mind games.

·        I had 4 drains.  Sadly, I am a pro at them.  However, this time I had two in my new boob area and two in the belly area.  And they were attached to my binder (girdle thingy) and they were easy as all get out.  I was impressed.  I was also impressed as Dr K2’s nurse Kristin told me they could be there for 4 weeks.  I had one out in a week and the other 3 out in 2.  The only time in my life I was an overachiever (I’ll take it).

A short recap of recovery:

·        Slow and still recovering.  I had no idea it would be like this.  Dr. Nurse Elaine told me rule of thumb for energy is for every hour you are under it takes a month to recover.  She was not kidding.  Some days I have energy and some days I do not. Period. 

·        I went back to working 10 hours and am now up to 32.  Again, some days kill me and some are okay.  The first shift I did on the desk was a Saturday with Gaye.  I was determined to put my own books away.  I do great when I put them on a cart so I can push it around.  Figures it was a kid’s book that did me in that day.   The corner hit the belly.  My knees buckled and the only thing out of my mouth was grunt (yes, even I was impressed).

·        My belly area is still very sore and aches when I am awake.  At first it was like needles but it was the nerves coming back to life.  That feeling is not as bad now, but still there. Of course now it feels tight—as if I need a good burp or fart (don’t worry, it just feels that way).  I still wake myself up when I roll over in bed.  That is fun.  Not.

·        I have been stuck in the Lazy Boy (I am too short to use that; figured that out on day one at home), the couch (too many times to count—still have trouble pushing myself up at times), the bathtub (that was frightening) and the bed.  The best position to sleep in when I first got home was a little bit elevated. For the first 3 nights I arranged my pillows, got into bed and they fell flat and there I was.  I was able to maneuver just enough the first 2 nights.  The 3^rd night, I was over it so I called Mom on the house phone from my cell to help me.  I think she laughed. 

·        I took 2 pain pills each day.  One in the am and one in the pm.  They were heaven.

·        Back to the sore belly.  It is swollen and will be for a while.  Lovely.  Still, it is better than it had been. I hit it from time to time and a grunt comes out.  It’s like when I kept hitting Portia—never hit the area before but now it happens all the time.  Figures. 

A short recap of the things I did not really need to know that I know now and other bits and pieces:

·        That awful private nurse- Billy.  He stayed the first night and Mom told him to act as he was my private nurse.  He slept AND snored the entire night.  I am sure he will deny this and maybe I was too drugged, but every time I looked over he was asleep AND snoring.   He came back a day later and told me I had to eat.  I did not want to but gave in and ordered some fruit, cereal and milk, telling him I would eat most of the cereal dry.  What does he do?!  They bring my tray, he gets out of his chair, opens my cereal, puts it in the bowl, dumps the milk on it and says eat.  I may or may not have said you are a useless idiot and you need to leave.  He was out of there in 5 minutes.  Good thing he is a good doctor as he sucks as a nurse.

·        My motto of “Ignorance is bliss” struck again.  And again, it was a wonderful thing.  Had I known I might have blown the whole surgery off (I did Google it but went back to Candy Crush when I saw it was an 8 hour surgery.  Luckily for me I looked the wrong one up and it was only 4; something I found out the day of surgery).  So I get home and look down and freaked.  My belly button was under my left boob.  Mom calms me down with it will go back into place when the swelling goes down. Whew. Then I looked closer at the belly button itself which was ugly, red, sore and bigger than I remembered. It was like I had a new belly button.  I said as much and Mom gave me what looked to be a very pained look (when I look back I think she was keeping the laughter in) and said “um, it is a new one.” Well crap.  And for the record—it is the last to heal.  And OF COURSE I had an issue with it and had to pack it.  Seriously?!  Dr K2 and one of his nurses Kristin started explaining the packing.  I told them no need, been there done that.  Luckily this did not last as long and was much easier.

·        The cut.  If you do not know, Mae Ling is a quilter which means there are all kinds of tools around, including a tape measure.  She also did a stint in nursing school so she is into medical stuff.  Like when I sat in Dr K2’s examination chair, there she was, behind them looking in awe at my torn and battered body as they admire their handiwork (apparently my new boob is magnificent- but more on that next).  I finally give in and she is actually gloating she gets to measure it.  That cut is from hip to hip and it is 20 inches long.  And that my friends, explains the hell of the past few months.

·        Back to the belly boob.  I thought I was fatter.  Darn thing is smaller than I thought it would be and yes, quite frankly, they do just cut a chunk out of the belly and sew it on. Its’ amusing each time I go back how they say my new boob is magnificent and healing well ( it is rather amazing what they can do).  However, I was pretty ticked off that it was not bigger. Nurse Morgan laughed and said they had to close the stomach area.  Oops, forgot that part.  I had named her Permanent Penny but she is more like Belly Boob. Either way, I have a football shaped boob.  As Dr K (oncologist) noted last week, laughing.

·        Dr Lynn was right and I have to give her that, even if it kills me.  And it will. But when I first mentioned the surgery to her, she told me I would get my right arm back to the way it was before the mastectomy and it would be even better.  I was like no way was she right and I forgot all about that until after the surgery.  And right the good Dr was.   And, it was immediate- as in the hospital immediate. Because the tumor was so large, she had to take most of the skin and it was tight as hell. Add in the radiation and it was a constant pain in the arm and shoulder area. When Dr K2 went in, he cleaned out the radiated area, added skin and voila—I can use my arm again.  That is the biggest blessing of all.

So there you have it.  My surgery in a nutshell.  My new, new, new normal.  I hope and pray that this is IT with the new normals.  Speaking of prayer, thank you for all the prayers, the cards, Jessica for watching over the Angels, Mae Ling (of course) and to Gaye, Helena, Ann and Christina, thank you for never missing a beat, filling in when needed, having my back and just making me thankful I have a great team. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.