Never in my wildest dreams
would I have thought I would be sitting here tonight contemplating tomorrow. I have had 3 surgeries (4 if you count that
silly little Pia and her infection and that darn packing) in which I went from
extra large , to nice and perky, to slowly shrinking to nothing on the right
side , all in 11 years. Go figure. Who
knew that when I had the reduction it would save my life 7 years later? If I had not had it, I never would have found
that pesky little lump. Which led to the
lumpectomy, 5 years and 2 days ago- not that I am counting or anything. That pesky little Stage 3 lump led to not only the loss of the hair, but
to 6.5 weeks of cremation which made Pia the incredible shrinking boob.( Insert
surgery number 4 here, I am not reliving that. Well, the morphine was amazing).
Fast forward to May of this year when then
the shoe dropped and with it went Pia.
At which point Dr. Lynn took just about all that she could—which was basically
all of it ( in her defense, she had to take it all due to that 5.9 cm tumor she
had to carve out. You know the one the paid Radiologist missed. I swear I need to frame that letter).
***Side note here—if anyone
ever goes to the good Dr Lynn—you must mention you know me. She will more than likely roll her eyes,
grimace and say shit under her breath.
Extra points are given if you start off by saying… you know, my librarian
just happens to know you. That will
start the whole routine going. Makes me
happy just thinking about it. ***
Which brings me to tonight
and the contemplating. I am not a big believer in plastic surgery. I believe God gave us what he gave us and that
is that. Yes, I know there are certain things which need to be done for health
reasons, I just have not seen the need for it.
Until the fall of last year when I looked at the mirror and wondered how
I ended up this way. Which is when I knew
it was time to become two again. Am I
worried about tomorrow? To be honest, I was worried
about it when it was last week. And
since I did not really go into why it was postponed, here is the short version.
Right before Christmas Dr Kays called and asked if he could switch the time of
the surgery to 3pm as there was a seminar in Memphis the day before and he was
to present and it happened to be on the machine he will be using on me. Did not bother me so told him I was good with
it. Which I was, until the week of the
preop. That is when I started to feel very uneasy with the actual surgery and
was not at all at peace, something I have always, always felt before any
surgery. So when I got the call about the weather and
possibly changing the surgery, I felt some relief. And when it was postponed 4 days, I was
thrilled and that peace finally found me.
Going back to tomorrow, yes, I am a bit worried about the pain and the
recovery time as I really did not have it bad during the others (and yes, bad
is relative, but my memory is bad so we will go with the others were not bad
and this one might be). I also dread
being bored. If I am drugged, I will sleep and heal. If I am not properly
drugged, I will be going stir crazy. Will I more than likely try to talk him in to
letting me go back to work earlier if I am stir crazy? Most certainly. However, he is not the good Dr Lynn who is
wrapped around my finger, so it will be interesting to see how that goes. I did promise him 4 weeks out of work so
there is that.
As for the boob, I am
looking forward to being able to wear necklaces that stay in place, not go off to
the black hole. It will be nice to have
something there. I get to get a new,
new, new normal (personally I am getting rather sick of these new normals). But at least I am getting a new normal. Not all have that chance.
Now if you will excuse me,
I need to go listen to a voicemail I got back on May 3—it’s John 14:27 and I
bet it sounds familiar to some… Peace I
leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let you hearts be trouble and do not be afraid. And yes, that voicemail just happens to belong
to exactly who you think it does. I am
so very, very blessed!
PS
I just lied. I do not care about the boob and how a
necklace is going to stay in place. I am
all about that tummy tuck. The boob is a
bonus. I sure hope God does not have
another lesson in mind and lets me end up with a flat belly. I mean, I have earned that sucker.
PSS
I was able to use the one
comeback late last week that I have been dying to make. Sadly, due to the belly being what it is (at
the moment), and I tend to wear over sized shirts, I have been asked numerous
times when I was due. I usually laugh it
off and tell them it is just fat and I am too old—which they grasp on to as
they usually feel bad. Anyway, the other day I was again asked and I said “well,
next week I will be delivering a healthy boob!” Let’s just say it was a good comeback and I
was the only one to get joy out of it.
She was clueless. And she knew
all about the mastectomy.
PSSS
Thank you for all the
prayers, calls and texts. It means more
than you will ever know.
